The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
