I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Randomize
