I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
