I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Randomize
