I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Randomize
