Three words: puerto rican gang bang
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
