On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
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