Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
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