I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Randomize
