I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
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