If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
