so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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