How'd it feel making her break her religion?
i think i have herpe
just one?
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Randomize
