Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
