Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
I can't put those talents on a resume
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Randomize
