so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
