I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
