You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Randomize
