we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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