a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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