Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
