Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
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