Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
I think people are normalizing furries
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Randomize
