I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Houston, we have a blender
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
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