They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
