Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
