Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
I need to stop coming to work sober
He told me they were just razor bumps!
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize