you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
