Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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