According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
No subtext here. People are naked.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
