I am puke
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
I wanna passion pit in your ass
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
