i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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