I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Randomize
