I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize
