i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
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