I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
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