DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Randomize
