Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
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