All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
