Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Randomize
