If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
