I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Randomize
