coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Randomize
