You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
