You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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