Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
vagina is talking i cant
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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