I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
