someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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