Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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