the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
