he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
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