pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
