This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
