new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Randomize
