You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
