But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
