I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Randomize
