So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Randomize
