I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
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