New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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