I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
