Well apparently he's into motor boating.
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
Life is so much better after having sex.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
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