Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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