Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
