Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
