So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
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