70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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