Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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